


Pulcherrima Morte

by Withstarryeyes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Happy Ending, Injury, Sad, So much angst, heart failure, human!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 12:32:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7976881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Withstarryeyes/pseuds/Withstarryeyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s confused that those word can be blended together in a sentence and mean what they’re supposed to. He’s confused about this finite definition of what happens to you. He’s confused because there has always been something that someone can do. He could’ve healed you.</p>
<p>There’s tears on his face but Castiel barely wrinkles his nose at the tightness of his skin and the slight burning of a too raw nose as he looks down at you. You’re pale, too pale he knows, with blue lips and limp hands. He’s human, too human he knows, and he can’t fix you. Not like he would have been able to before Metatron. Before all his high and mighty God impersonation and the penance he paid-- was still paying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pulcherrima Morte

“There’s nothing we can do,” The words echo through Cas’ head and he’s confused. 

He’s confused that those word can be blended together in a sentence and mean what they’re supposed to. He’s confused about this finite definition of what happens to you. He’s confused because there has always been something that someone can do. He could’ve healed you. 

There’s tears on his face but Castiel barely wrinkles his nose at the tightness of his skin and the slight burning of a too raw nose as he looks down at you. You’re pale, too pale he knows, with blue lips and limp hands. He’s human, too human he knows, and he can’t fix you. Not like he would have been able to before Metatron. Before all his high and mighty God impersonation and the penance he paid-- was still paying. 

He brushes his hand through your hair and you blink open your eyes. They are tired looking but Cas can still see the spark of life in them. How can the doctor not have something to help you? Can’t he see that you’re still alive? More tears waterfall down his face and you look at him in concern. 

“Shh, Cas it’ll be okay,” You coo and Cas looks unconvinced as he sits down on the chair beside your bed. Your hand is cold in his and he shudders. You’re already half gone. He sucks in a breath in the dumb hope that it’ll make this pain in his chest go away. That it will make him stop crying and his body stop shuddering and he blinks at the hand on his back and you telling him to breathe. He’s breathing, just a little too quickly to feel like he has any air at all. He feels selfish now. Selfish that he’s gotten two lives in the span of one. Selfish that he wasted one fighting against his home, something you would have killed for. 

“How are you feeling?” Cas asks and he isn’t quite sure how he managed to choke the words out. His throat still feels like it’s glued shut. His whole body feels uncomfortably tight. 

“Like death,” You chuckle and Cas gasps in another breath. You look away feeling a little guilty. “Cas…” You start but trail off because you don’t quite know what to say. You’re dying and you know it. All the angels couldn’t help you now. Not when you were the girlfriend of a traitor that banished them all into their worst nightmare. 

He forces a smile that looks like a chihuahua trying to snarl and there’s a fake happiness in his eyes. You can see the splinters of his heart swimming in the cerulean. He looks like he’s about to say something but Dean knocks on the door and Cas loses his voice all together. 

“Hey Y/N, how are you doing?” Dean asks with those soft eyes and tiny, pathetic little smile. He’s holding flowers behind his back and fingering the leather lapels of his loose jacket. He can’t seem to meet your eyes. 

You just smile and ignore the question, “Those flowers for me?” You ask too cheery for a girl that’s dying. Too cheery for a girl that will be taken down by heart failure, barely into her twenties. 

“You know it,” Dean says and the horrific hallmark-y fake acting continues. Cas just sits in silence, winding the strings of his hoodie around his finger. His eyes are still wet and you wipe his cheeks with the back of your hand. He kisses your fingers as you move away.

“So, um, I need to talk to you guys for a second,” You say and you can almost feel the way both of their stomachs drop. Cas straightens his back and looks at you. He’s trying so hard to be brave but you can see the fear running through his body. Dean doesn’t even move his gaze from the ground. “I wanted to wait until Sam came too but I don’t know when that’ll be and I’m kinda  ticking time bomb,” You smile for a second as the joke falls flat. Clearing your throat, you frown. “Can you just look at me?” You almost snap and both the fallen angel and the high school dropout turn to you. They are dogs with their tails between their legs. “Thank you. Now I have a will, I need you guys to dig it out after…” You clear your throat again, “It has everything you guys need to know. Cas I’m leaving you my apartment, it’s your home as long as you want it,” You say. 

The sadness shifts into anger then. Both of the men are snarling and Cas looks ready to punch a wall. He swivels his head to the ceiling and you can hear him mumble something about believing in someone. How wrong he was. 

Dean takes a different approach, “Hey don’t talk like that. You’re not going anywhere. We’ll find a way we always do,” Dean yells. You don’t know if he’s trying to console you or himself. You don’t know which would be better. 

“Dean,” You say softly because you don’t really have much fight left in you. You’re weak and thirsty and your chest hurts. This is what death is and you have to come to terms with it. 

“No, Y/N, just don’t,” Gritted teeth and clenched fists and tears in his eyes. You hated how much you meant to the both of them. 

You don’t know what to say except let the silence drag out like night and never let the daylight break. You’re afraid when someone speaks it’ll all fall apart. You’ll fall apart. And if you fall apart you’re not sure how Cas will glue himself back together. He’s already more duct tape than person. 

“I’d like to be alone with Y/N,” You jump at Cas’ deep voice. His hand is wrapped around your arm and Dean just nods, floating into the hallway like he’d meant to do that all along. 

The sky flashes blue for a moment and you want to scream at it. Stop it from being so damn happy. Instead you pin your gaze on Cas. He’s still fidgeting, little movements in his back that you guess would have made his wings curl around his shoulders… back when he still had them. You pull him onto the bed and curl up against his side.

“I’m scared Cas,” You say and finally the tears come. The ones you were so loathe to let reveal themselves. 

He just kisses the top of your head, “I know, Y/N,” It’s not an empty promise, not even a barely there one. Just acceptance in a bottle.  “There’s still hope,” He says and you curl even tighter against him. He’s warm and you haven’t been anything but cold since you got here. 

“I’m not high enough on the transplant list, Cas,” You hate how pathetic you sound. 

“Anything can be possible,” Cas says and you know it’s an empty promise here. You can’t seem to care as you cling onto the comfort it brings. 

“Yeah,” you say. Your eyes are heavy and you fall asleep to the sounds of his breathing. 

“Y/N, Y/N,” Someone is shaking you. You’re dazed as you struggle to lift your lids but Cas is there and he’s beaming. Is this what heaven is?

“They have a heart,” He just says and you smile too. This isn’t heaven but it sure as hell feels like it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey at least it had a happy ending! *nervous laughter* I really hope you liked it even if it was very sad. If you did like it please leave a comment/kudos as those always make my day and I love hearing feedback. Thanks!


End file.
